In my previous post, I wrote about the joy of flying. It was the first blog entry I wrote entirely on my iPhone and it was tapped into the "Notes" application as I was midway between Houston and Boston in the midst of a crazy week. Work projects have been endless. Every minute of my "free time" had been filled with family commitments. In short, the relative solitude that comes along with a long flight was blissful.
This past week I was traveling once again, this time to my beloved Chicago, for a trade show and a now annual charity "road show" that I helped my company to kick-off last year. It was a whirlwind week and there never was a dull moment. In the span of two days I met with 10 members of the analyst/press community, shot and edited three different video segments and got three press releases out the door. Then, in one day, I had the awesome opportunity and privilege of doing some charity work for the company before flying home. It was an exhausting 80+ hour week but it was gratifying and fulfilling.
My commitments on Friday ended a bit earlier than expected so I found myself at the airport hours before my flight home. O'Hare was bustling - as it always is on a Friday afternoon - and the sheer volume of people flowing through the airport was incredible. I found a seat in the corner of terminal 'B,' broke out my latest issues of Macworld and Game Informer and tried to make the three hours move by a bit faster. As I thumbed through the pages of the magazine, little snippets of conversation drifted by. I would look up occasionally to do some people watching. And during this long wait, I've come to the conclusion that there are an awful lot of jackasses in this world. A few examples:
- Airline employees who have completely forgotten - or have never learned - how to treat customers with even the most basic sense of respect or decency
- 'Frequent Flyers' who feel compelled to tell anyone they meet about their current medallion status, their favorite airport or their next five international destinations
- Individuals who argue with TSA agents because they don't want to unlace and remove their shoes
The list could go on.
So this time while traveling, rather than think about the peace and solitude of flight, all I could think about was how there should be some laws of basic decency - a code of conduct, if you will - for travelers. So, I submit for your review, my recommendations for the first few core components of a "Traveler's Bill of Rights:"
- You have the right to be free from listening to the egotistical (and likely fabricated) recounting of trip details of complete strangers
We don't care about the dollar value of deals you closed, the amount of alcohol you consumed with your clients or the number 'encounters' you had while away from home. You're not impressing anyone, you're annoying everyone and you make the unpleasantries of travel even worse... just shut up. - You have the right to call B.S. on any airline employee who knowingly and willfully passes along untruthful information about flight status
If it's 7:30 and the 4:15 flight has not yet arrived at the gate, no one believes you when you make your fifth "should be here any minute now folks" statement. Pass along real information when you have it, keep quiet when you don't and keep your cool when multiple passengers ask you for assistance and/or options. It's your job. If helping people is not your cup of tea, find another profession. - You have the right to complain to management - and get satisfaction - whenever you catch airline employees, airport employees or so-called 'travel assistance professionals' getting out-of-line
During my wait at O'Hare yesterday I witnessed one airport employee literally yell at an elderly woman because she wasn't getting into the wheelchair quickly enough, two gate agents commenting - openly and loudly - about the "stupid questions that some customers ask" and another gate agent say "what-EVER" - in pitch-perfect teenage girl tones - when an elderly woman complained that she had been waiting for 15 minutes for a cart to take her to the next gate and they sent a single wheelchair. If she needed a wheelchair, she would have asked for a wheelchair. If you weren't going to send a cart, you should have made that clear. If you make a commitment to send a cart and you send something else, you owe either an explanation or an apology. - You have the right to send any travelers who complain about security gate policies and procedures to the back of the security line
Yes, you need to remove your shoes. No, you can not take the 20 oz. iced coffee through security. Yes, you need to remove your laptop from the bag. And no, you can not complain if you're randomly selected for additional screening. No one cares if you're running late. This is how the world works these days and the TSA folks are trying to keep you safe. Try saying "hello" to them or use the words "thank you" from time-to-time and I'm sure you'll find your trip through security much more pleasant and you won't run the risk of pissing off the 20 people behind you who are ready and willing to follow the rules. - You have the right to confiscate and destroy the cell phone of any traveler who refuses to power off said device after the third request
I'm sure you think that e-mail is critical, but you're just not that important. It's true. Get over it. 'Nuff said. - You have the right to remind flight attendants of the 'attendant' component of their job description as often as necessary until they get the message
Some flight attendants are wonderful. Most make Nurse Ratchet from 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' look like Mr. Rogers. We pay a lot of money to move ourselves and now our baggage from one point to another. We typically deal with significant stress during the time between leaving our home or hotel and boarding the aircraft. (For details, please see above.) By the time we actually get onto the plane and get into our seat, we're now in your hands and it should be a relatively pleasant experience from this point forward. It's not our fault that you can't break a $20 if we want to buy a snack. If you whack our elbow or knee with the drink cart we would prefer a "sorry" to a "you need to keep out of the aisle" comment. Last but not least, it would be great if you could muster a smile every now and again. We understand that you have a stressful job. Please understand that travel isn't always a picnic for us either. The big difference is that you are paid to deal with this, we are forced to pay increasingly large amounts of money to deal with this and - most importantly - it's our dollars that go into your paycheck.
I know this post is a bit more snarky than my usual ramblings, but I'm sure that those of you who travel have encountered one or more of these annoyances as well. Would love to read your comments.

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